I am not a little girl

My youngest son had his first real hair cut. He said he didn’t want to look like a girl any more. Those were his words. So my wife went into cut his hair. This is a task that is not easy. Especially considering that he is short and fast. He was ducking around and my wife was afraid of cutting his ears. But instead of his long wisps of blonde hair he has short (er) hair and he seems to be happy with it. He was showing it off to me. It really does make me wonder though how children determine that they are a boy or a girl. I know that some people say that it is societal but so far I don’t think so. My daughter likes to play with toys, she likes stuffed animals and takes a keen interest in beautiful women. My two sons on the other hand are different from each other, the older one likes mechanical stuff and imaginative active play. The younger one likes animals and nature, he also has a very vivid imagination but prefers passive play.

When I was younger I used to think that kids were born with what is known as tabula rasa or blank sheet. The kids could be molded to what you want them to be cause they are a brand new blank sheet. However now that I have kids I realize that is so far from the truth. Kids are born preprogrammed with likes dislikes and a whole personality before they are even born. The way the kids would respond inside the womb is also very much the way they would be in real life.  My middle son likes to sleep and when he was in the womb he slept a lot where as my daughter would move her hand very gently along the womb lining she is also very gentle in real life.

So children are definitely not tabula rasa but how do kids know whether they are boys or girls. This to me is also preprogrammed. My two boys love transformers and other boy shows. They throw each around and beat on each other. However my daughter will play with the Transformer toys she does not enjoy fighting and she likes playing with her baby dolls. How does she know that this is girlish behavior vs boys beating on each other? I have never told her that she needs to do this or that boys should play with the stuff that they do.

Read more:

Son did you hurt yourself: https://libertariandad.wordpress.com/2013/11/15/son-did-you-hurt-yourself/

Your kids wont turn out the way you think they will: https://libertariandad.wordpress.com/2013/11/19/your-kids-wont-turn-out-the-way-you-think-they-will-guest-post/

How to deal with your children: https://libertariandad.wordpress.com/2013/11/18/breaking-the-cycle-how-to-deal-with-your-children/

The Rites of Manhood: http://www.lewrockwell.com/2013/12/brett-and-kate-mckay/the-rites-of-manhood/


3 thoughts on “I am not a little girl

  1. At a wedding reception small talk was turning toward kids and home life and I casually announced my delight in the discovery that my children came into this world being very much who they are, gender and all. My daughter adorned herself with my scarfs, wore my high heals, cuddled her animals and babies and fed them. My son liked to watch earth movers and dump trucks and his imaginative play involved a lot of fighting and adventure, good guys and bad guys. My son never breast fed the dolls we had lying around the house like my daughter did when our third child arrived on scene. My son seemed born to make car noises. My daughter had a cute little wiggle in her crawl, very feminine. No one taught her to crawl in a girlie way. My casual remarks were met with disdain and great debate and I began to wish I could disappear. But it continues to amaze me (your article also stated about your own) my kids not only behaved in very gender specific ways from the beginning, but also exhibited personality traits that we guessed at while they were still in the womb. Maybe the debate has to do with a denial that we are made uniquely from the beginning by a loving and creative God who has plans for us to use our particular personalities and gifts and appearances before we are even born. As I watch my kids enter adulthood I’ve concluded that perhaps one of the most important things we can do as parents and people in a variety of relationships is to affirm and support what seems to be particular and unique about those God puts in our lives. Integrity is such a rich word. It doesn’t merely cover the idea of honesty. It conveys wholeness, as in being intact. We help strengthen the integrity of others when we allow them to be who they are made to be and we love them best when we seek to discover the wonder of who they are made to be.

    • This is another one of those issues that people think they know better then others and if you attempt to change their minds they get edgy. Maybe it also says something about themselves and that they don’t want to pass their own dna onto another especially when they might feel insecure about themselves. I feel very special to share so much with my children.
      I hug my sons every night and remind them that I love them. I impress on them that they are wonderful and that God loves them too.

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