It all started with a phone call. He is dead, Tim committed suicide. There was a long pause and something exploded in my brain.. “What happened?” I asked but feeling as though I am a million miles away from the conversation. All I hear is something about his friend finding him and the paramedics are there. There are grief counselors in the school. I hang up the phone and my whole body starts shaking and tears rolling out of my eyes.
My dad holds me and I am shaking, crying uncontrollably. The rest of the day passes by like a dark cloud in the sky. All emotion has left me and I am left completely empty. If only I had gone to his house. If only I had talked to him more. If only I had called him. Why didn’t I see it coming? The questions rolled through my head for weeks and months after Tim had taken his own life.
Even 12 years after the event I still feel emotional about the event. In many ways it feels as though it was an end of an era and some piece of me was buried with this young man. I still have questions about what happened. However it also taught me a lot about suicide and about the indicators that someone is suicidal. If you ever suspect or even have suicidal thoughts yourself talk about it. Yes it is unfortunate and can be embarrassing, but it shows you care. You never know, you may have just saved a life.